My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
