I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was like giving head to a cactus.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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