i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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