I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
