o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
