real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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