hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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