Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
