he looks like a really good dad on facebook
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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