my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you traded sex for a burrito?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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