i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
