Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
