JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We need to rekindle our bromance
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
