he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
