The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
