Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Couch. On fire.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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