All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
