Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
