Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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