there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
