I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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