just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
