chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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