yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
