Me too!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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