A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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