After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
