Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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