Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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