I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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