put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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