Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
