I just threw up on my dentist
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
