what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
