You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
