Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
