sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
