I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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