okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
