Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
