His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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