Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
