Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
