I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
