But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
