Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
