Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
