you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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