just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
