Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm always down for nudity.
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