this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
