it hurts more in the daytime
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
