I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
