Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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