there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
