Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
