Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He felt like a one man threesome
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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