He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
