Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
