she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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