his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
