I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong