I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.