some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?