If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain