you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
