we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...