Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
