Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
