no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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