Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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