You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
