What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
