Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
