Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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