Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my poor anus
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
