I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you had me at cake vodka
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
