sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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